And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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