Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
soo... how was my night?
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