I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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