I'm going to jail i love you
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
