Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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