Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
