the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
