i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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