I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
