obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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