You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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