I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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