i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
