i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
