I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
