..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
