Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
