I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
