im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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