I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
