Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
