He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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