peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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