He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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