69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
