My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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