if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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