i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
