I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
