she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
