The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
