She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
