If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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