is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
