I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
