Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
