Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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