He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
