Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
