Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
