I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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