Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize