I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
