Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
