is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
