its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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