i think my mom watched the whole time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
