threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
