i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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