if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
