you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
