Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
