Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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