I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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