sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
