420 ftw
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
