i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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