I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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