We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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