Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
