thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
