she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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