respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
